Radley's Home for Horny Monsters Read online

  Tink almost got free, but Mike managed to pin one arm down with his knee while holding the other straight. The rest of his body was on top of her torso, and she flopped helplessly for several minutes before going still.

  “Give up, Tink. I’ve won,” Mike panted, sweat pouring off his body. “It’s over.”

  Tink fixed him with an angry stare, which quickly melted into defeat. Her large, yellow eyes pooled with tears, and she turned her face away from Mike.

  “Tink lose. Tink give up goblin home.” She exhaled, the dirt on the floor billowing away from her. “Tink leave, and no come back.”

  “Wait, what?” Tink had relaxed beneath Mike, so he took his knee off her arm. “No, Tink, you don’t have to leave, I just want my tools so I can fix the fountain.”

  “Goblin Law. We fight over home. Loser leave, never come back.” She tried to rise, but Mike wasn’t having it. He knew that Naia would be disappointed in him if he managed to lose one of the inhabitants of the house so quickly.

  And honestly, was he even as entitled to the home as they were? They had been here longer, he was just the current human legally entitled to the place. Watching the goblin weep, he couldn’t help but feel extremely bad. Tink obviously came from a culture he wasn’t going to understand overnight, but this was a problem he needed to take care of right this second.

  “I don’t want Tink to leave,” Mike explained. The instant the words left his mouth, the goblin turned her head toward him. There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes that he was afraid to shatter, so he waited for her next move.

  “Goblin Law say fight over home, someone leave.”

  Mike fought hard to avoid rolling his eyes. Clearly her head was hard literally and metaphorically. “Well, goblin law doesn’t apply here. This is my house, so we follow my laws.”

  Tink shook her head. “Always follow Goblin Law.”

  “Well, then is there a law that lets us fight and you get to stay?” He felt Tink relax even more. Her snuffling stopped, and she became silent beneath him.

  “Fight for goblin wife,” she whispered.

  “Oh.” Mike was officially between a rock and a hard place with the little green monster he had found beneath the garage. If he took her as a goblin wife, what did that entail? Then again, where would she go if she left? Naia had warned her that the world was a bad place for monsters, and it occurred to him that, as far as he knew, nobody even remotely believed goblins existed. What if Tink was the last of her kind? What about his relationship with Naia? “Shit.”

  “No have to take goblin wife,” Tink whispered. “Tink can just go.”

  “Well, hold on.” The gears in his mind were turning. “If I take you as a goblin wife, what about other people? Do we have to live down here?”

  “Goblin husband take many wives. Goblin wife no mind.”

  “Okay. Well, Tink, this was a fight for a goblin wife. Now you don’t have to leave.” Mike wanted to clap himself on the back, but was afraid of scaring Tink.

  “Fight for goblin wife not over,” she told him. Seeing the puzzled look on his face, she grabbed one of his hands and dragged it down to her breast. “Different kind of fight.”

  “Oh.” Mike wasn’t sure what to say, but he was immediately struck at how firm the breast beneath his hand was. It was slightly bigger than his hand, and when he rubbed his thumb across the top, he felt a pair of nipples, stacked vertically. He gave it a squeeze, releasing his hold on the goblin. She immediately grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head, pulling him close.

  “Tink want you to fight harder,” she hissed. Clawed hands dragged down his back, just hard enough to remind Mike that they were there. They found the waistband of his shorts and shoved them down.

  Mike grabbed her breasts tightly now, and Tink’s clawed hands found Mike’s cock. “Fight even harder. Make goblin wife.”

  Mike wrapped his hand in her hair, looping it across his knuckles so that he could yank it backward. He pulled her face in, suddenly entranced by the exotic curl of her lips, something he only saw now that her fangs weren’t bared at him. Tink was working his shaft with both tiny hands, dragging her claws expertly across his dick. He shivered, the sensation hitting him directly in the gut.

  “Almost ready,” Tink muttered, then licked the palms of her hand with an unusually long tongue. Mike bit down on her breast, rolling her double nipples around with his tongue. He was amazed at how large each nipple was in his mouth.

  Tink arched her back. “Bite harder, sweaty man.”

  Mike chomped down, expecting a cry of protest, but he got a moan of pleasure. Her skin was dirty, but tasted mainly of the earth, and didn’t yield in the slightest. Letting up, he curled three fingers and caught her double nipples between his knuckles, pinching them and pulling up. Snarling, Tink grabbed the head of his hard cock, now slippery, and placed it at the edge of her pussy.

  “Make me goblin wife,” she growled, and Mike obliged. He shoved his way into her, her tight pussy squeezing him the whole way in.

  “Holy shit!” Mike yelled, feeling hard ridges inside of Tink rub against his glans. Tink wrapped her tiny legs around Mike and forced herself up to meet him, but she was so tight, he wasn’t getting in any further than just the first couple inches.

  “Fight from bottom,” Tink begged, and Mike rolled on his back. She mounted him, forcing herself down, and Mike felt like his dick was being squeezed by a set of angry hands. She struggled, only part of his dick penetrating her tight folds. Mike grabbed her shoulders first, trying to push her down. The tender side of him demanded that he show some sort of gentle gesture, so he ran one hand lovingly across her brow and then back through her hair.

  What was this? Mike swept Tink’s hair aside to reveal a horn, nearly three inches long, hidden in the wild tangles of her hair. Surprised, he searched the other side of her head, finding another, slightly shorter horn. Suddenly inspired, he clamped his hands down on both horns, forcing Tink onto his cock.

  Tink couldn’t reach the root of his cock, her insides simply not large enough for him. Her belly bulged outward with every thrust of his dick. Tink panted, mouth open wide, as she rode Mike hard, squeezing at his pecs with clawed hands. Her wide hips made it easy for her legs to wrap around Mike’s waist, and she was lifting and dropping so quickly that Mike was tensing his stomach just to brace for impact.

  “Oh! Oh fuck!” Mike’s insides churned, his balls getting ready to blast a load. Tink rode even harder, guttural moans and drool leaving her mouth, gasping for air as her fingers clutched Mike’s biceps. Mike yanked down on her horns, squeezing tight, and Tink’s grunts became a protracted growl. Mike’s whole body tightened, and Tink threw herself forward, slipping free of his hold, to sink her teeth into his shoulder.

  “Ow, you fucking-“ Mike bit her back, trying to dig his own teeth into the flesh around her neck. His crotch was suddenly soaked in Tink’s cum, and she screamed into Mike’s shoulder. It like hell, but his balls never got the message. Mike bit her even harder, filling her with three giant bursts of cum, Tink grunting as each one entered her.

  She released him. Mike let go too, leaving mostly just indentations and spit on her skin. His shoulder was wet, a mixture of her spit and the blood that flowed from several tiny punctures in his skin. Her pussy contracted, squeezing out another stream of goo, and Mike shuddered with pleasure. Tink laid her head down on Mike’s chest, letting out a low rumble like a cat.

  “Tinker now goblin wife of sweaty man,” she told him, tracing her fingers along his arm.

  “Tinker? Is that your full name?” Tink nodded, her shining eyes on his.

  “Well, I’m Mike, not sweaty man.”

  “Mike goblin husband. Tink belong to Mike now.” She sighed, laying her head down again.

  Mike held her this way for a bit, letting his body relax. Even as his dick softened, her goblin cunt was still so tight that she held him in place. “Well, Tinker-“

  “Husband call me Tink.”

  “W
ell, Tink, I’m sure there’s plenty of daylight left. I need my tools to fix the fountain.”

  Tink shook her head, her ears flopping lightly beneath her hair. “Tink good at fixing. Tink help, you see.” She dismounted, and Mike’s dick plopped free along with a giant puddle of cum. Tink squatted and lapped up the mess with her long, slippery tongue, until his cock was clean once more.

  “Jesus Almighty,” Mike muttered to himself, finding his shorts bunched around one ankle.

  Tink was holding what was left of her dress, staring at it in sadness. “Tink need new outfit,” she informed him, tossing the rags aside.

  “I think I have a shirt that will fit you,” he said, not wanting to waste any more time thinking about it.

  “Good idea. Husband get new dress, Tink go look at fountain.” She retrieved her goggles and fixed them in place on her head, then grabbed a small toolbox next to the bench. “We go.”

  Tink followed Mike out, and they navigated the labyrinth of books until they got to the back door of the garage. They headed outside. The sun was past the roof of the house now, meaning it was at least four in the afternoon. In the sun’s light, Tink’s skin took on a pretty hue beneath all the grime, and he could now see the giant, single areola that surrounded her double nipples. Dark green pubes hid her crotch from view.

  Seeing where he was looking, Tink became suddenly bashful. She held the toolbox up, covering her crotch with it.

  “Get Tink’s dress,” she said, her yellow eyes looking away from him.

  Mike left her behind and headed upstairs. Today had destroyed a significant chunk of his wardrobe. He needed to go shopping soon.

  Mike grabbed a simple black t-shirt from his bag. He didn’t bother putting a new shirt on-his new scrapes and cuts were still clotting. Staring in the mirror, he just shook his head. It looked like he had fallen through a plate-glass window. The bite marks on his shoulder, however, had already clotted up. He really hoped that goblin bites weren’t poisonous.

  When he got outside, Tink was squatting, naked, inside the fountain. He strode over and was handing her his shirt when a spoonful of cum dribbled free from her pussy.

  “This nice.” Tink inspected the material before slipping the garment over her head. The sleeves were a little too wide, but the length was perfect. It covered Tink down to her knees.

  Mike joined her in the fountain, and the two of them started by scraping the mud and grime from the bottom, then scooping it over the side into a bucket. The center of the fountain was a simple marble monolith with a single basin that would overflow into the giant basin below.

  Scraping up the muck and grime from the fountain, Mike couldn’t help but sneak glances at Tink. Her tiny body was lean and sexy in a different way than Naia’s.. However, in the light of day, it was obvious that Tink was in need of a bath, and Mike hoped that Naia would be willing to share her tub.

  “How long have you been living in the garage, Tink?” Mike asked.

  “Tink there for-“ Tink put a clawed finger to her lips, deep in thought. “Hm. Tink not sure. Tink remember big sleep, wake up yesterday.” She shrugged.

  “Do you remember Emily?”

  Tink nodded. “Human lady. No need to fight. She let Tink live in garage.”

  “Wait. You didn’t have to fight her, but you fought with me?”

  “Is goblin way. Males too aggressive, always take, never give. All males fight.”

  “Well, you need to remember that I’m not a goblin. Do you think you can do that for me?”

  Tink stopped what she was doing and cast a soulful look in Mike’s direction. Several seconds passed. “Tink remember.” A sly grin crossed her face as she traced a line down Mike’s thigh. “Mike much bigger than a goblin.”

  “Oh, well, thanks Tink.” Mike laughed.

  “Not much of a biter, though.” Tink stuck her hand into a crevice, then twisted it and pulled free a long trail of rocky sludge. It was almost a foot long, and Mike heard stone scraping on stone as it slid free. Tink tossed the sludge over the edge of the fountain.

  Suddenly the sound of water rushing up from beneath the earth was audible.

  “We did it, Tink!” Mike high-fived Tink, then grabbed her around the waist. He picked her up and they jumped out of the fountain, escaping the icy cold water as it filled the basin. Tiny bubbles of energy formed, fluttering around the fountain like butterflies, and Naia surfaced, wearing a simple cloth dress.

  “Gods, it’s so good to be outside,” Naia said, eyes closed and arms wide. She took a deep breath, opening her eyes to survey her fountain. “Let’s work out some kinks, shall we?”

  Naia snapped her fingers, and the stone monolith shook, blasting dirt and mud free. Water rolled down its sides, filling the middle basin with fresh spring water. The remaining dirt and mud was caught in tiny tide pools, which spun them into a surface froth that was unceremoniously dumped over the side onto the concrete slab beneath the fountain.

  “Oh, it’s like having the feeling come back to your legs after they fall asleep. Thank you so much, Mike!” Naia turned to blow Mike a kiss, but froze when she saw Tink standing behind him. “Tink? Is that you?”

  “Naia!” Tink scrambled onto the rim of the fountain, standing eye to breast with Naia.

  Naia gave the goblin a tight hug.

  “You know Tink?” Mike asked.

  “Of course I do. She is in charge of keeping the house in working order. Goblins are typically quite dumb, but Tink is somehow brighter than most humans, though she may not sound like it.” Naia gave Tink an affectionate pat on the head. “She was one of the last monsters collected, still just a child when she came here. She stayed mostly in the garage, though. Her people have a weird thing about housing.”

  “Yeah. I ran into that. Apparently she’s officially my goblin wife.” Mike winced inwardly, waiting for the emotional fallout.

  “Tink, is this true?” Naia asked, kneeling down in the water so the two were face to face.

  “We fight,” Tink declared. “Mike win goblin wife.”

  “I’m so happy for you!” Naia and Tink embraced again, causing Mike to shake his head. He was having one hell of a weird day.

  “This doesn’t bother you?” Mike asked.

  “Of course not, silly. I have a part of your soul, remember? You don’t realize this, but in a way, this is the nicest thing you could do for her.” Naia patted Tink’s head again. “Her kind doesn’t care for goblins like her. She’s very smart, which is bad enough if you’re a goblin female, but she is also very ugly for her kind.”

  “Ugly?” Mike didn’t think so, though his definition of beauty was currently in a rapid tailspin.

  Naia nodded. “Goblins are a weird bunch. Trust me, you would have had no reason to make a wife of any normal goblin.” Naia’s nose crinkled. “Tink, you stink.”

  “Tink hungry too,” the goblin announced, holding her stomach. “Just finish big sleep.”

  “What’s the big sleep?” Mike asked.

  “Between owners, the house has a way of hiding its denizens. I stay conscious the whole time, but the fear was that if a long enough period of time passed, some of the monsters would lose their shit and wander out into the world, lonely and looking for company. So they sleep, but I’m guessing that they are starting to wake up now that you are here.” Naia flipped her wet hair out of the way. “Tink, can I talk to Mike for a minute?”

  Tink nodded. “I put away tools.” She quickly gathered the cleaning supplies and vanished into the garage.

  “You fucked her, didn’t you?” Naia asked.

  Mike gulped. This was the fallout he was expecting. “If I didn’t, she thought she had to leave. I couldn’t do that to her,” Mike explained.

  “It was more than that.” Naia grinned, stroking Mike’s chin. “You fucked her, and you liked it.” Her hand found his cock through his shorts.

  “Unexpectedly, yes. I did. It was weird, but kind of hot.”

  “Goblins have weird ways of looking
at marriage. As it is, you could order her to march into a fire, and she would do it because you are her husband. I’m telling you this so that you know how you should be treating her, despite her willingness to please you. Prove to me that you can handle this by treating her well, because it would break my heart to discover that you can’t.”

  “What about us?” Mike asked.

  “There will always be time for us. Goblins are polygamous. I could let you fuck me while she watched, and she would just be happy to be in the room.” Naia laughed. “Not that I would ever treat her that way. I think of her very much like a little sister. You should get her some food, and then have her take a bath. I promise you that you’ll find something underneath all that dirt and grime that you will like.” She winked.

  “What will you be doing?” Mike asked.

  “I’ll be out here, no worries. Take some time just the two of you.” Naia slid her hand across the bite mark on Mike’s shoulder. “She’s marked you, you know? Now that she’s tasted your blood, she can find you anywhere.”

  “Goblin bites aren’t poisonous, right?” Mike said in a low voice in case Tink came back.

  “You would know by now if they were,” she whispered back, giving him a kiss on the nose.

  Tink emerged from the garage, her hands now empty.

  “I’m going to fix us some lunch,” Mike announced, and Tink was immediately by his side. “And then I’m going to wash up. Care to join me?”

  “Tink come too.”

  Mike held the door for her and she pinched his ass as she walked by. Mike turned to Naia, but the nymph was already floating on her back, staring up into the clouds.

  MIKE TOOK TINK INSIDE, where he heated up what was left of the pizza for them to eat. She sat across from him, gobbling down the pizza in huge bites while he got on Amazon to order a few things. He was lucky in that he was in a city with Prime Now (meaning two hour delivery times), and he made a few purchases that he thought would come in handy, watching Tink over the top of his computer. Now that they were inside and eating, he realized just how bad she smelled, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings.